What They Could Have Said
“Look forwards because that’s the way you are going.” I often repeat this motto as it stops me dwelling on the ‘what ifs’ from the past. The worst thing I can do is wonder how this pain journey might have been different if a physio hadn’t done this or a specialist hadn’t said that.
However, this post does look back on some the things people have said to me but how their response could’ve been different. This is not to criticise – it’s to give hope to anyone who has been told the same things that I was. I want show how there are other answers, which I didn’t know at the time, that could’ve saved me from a lot of stress and upset.
Here we go…
Scenario One
What they said: Do this seated leg raise exercise – just pull your foot up and down five times a day on each leg with this exercise band, quickly like this. Then I’d go for a scan and see what’s going on inside your knee.”
What I thought: “I trust you. I’m committed to doing the exercises you feel are appropriate. A scan will find out exactly what is wrong.”
What they could’ve said: “We definitely won’t give you the seated leg raise with a resistance band exercise. It has the highest patellofemoral load and your knees definitely don’t need that. Technique is vital – make sure you activate your muscles and move with slow, steady, controlled movements. According to the latest pain research, pain isn’t an indication of damage. So a scan won’t necessarily give you answers.”
Scenario Two
What they said “I’m an expert with knees. You are one of a handful of people I treat who is still in pain and I can’t work out why. I’m afraid this is beyond me now.”
What I thought: “What is wrong with me? It must be something terrible, spiral, spiral, spiral.”
What they could’ve said: I’m an expert with the mechanics of knees. But there is so much information around pain science, especially in Australia and America, that I decided to make sure I was up to date as I’m dealing with pain on a daily basis. Even though this has been around a while, we are learning all the time about pain and how pain is a protective mechanism even when your knees are physically fine. There is so much you can do to help reduce, or even eliminate, your pain.
Scenario Three
What they said: “You’ve got to stop being miserable. You’re making everyone else miserable.”
What I thought: “Not only am I in lots of pain, I’m also making everyone else’s life worse. I am no good for anything anymore.”
What they could’ve said: “I can see this is getting you down. This is a really tough challenge for you. It must be so hard not being as active as you were. But your worth isn’t measured by your superficial achievements. You still mean everything to people close to you. You matter.”
Scenario Four
What they said: (Nothing)
What I thought: “They don’t care. How can they not even get in touch to see how I am?”
What they could’ve said: “I’m really struggling with seeing you in this much pain and how much it is affecting you mentally. I don’t mean to ignore you or not ask about your knees or how you are doing. I have a lot of my own issues with seeing people in pain and I don’t know how to deal with it.”
Scenario Five
What they said: “Do you mind me asking why you were taking the antidepressants? Did you know there is a website about pain science based in Australia that I think will really help.”
What I thought: “Wow this GP is going way above and beyond and he has changed my life. He didn’t have to ask and try to help further but how amazing that I happened to get him on this call.”
What he could’ve said: “Stop taking the antidepressant if it’s making you feel so ill. Next!”
Obviously, the last one is a positive but unfortunately it was one among many who were just inexperienced and misinformed. It’s easy to say but if I’d known any of what I know now, everything would’ve been so much easier.
Keep seeking answers and keep learning – as one physio said to me “There’s always hope.”
