Change your identity

Pain hurts. And chronic pain, whatever level of hurt you have, affects your everyday life. It impacts everything you do, or can’t do, because of the pain. This is bad enough – feeling pain is exhausting.

But not only do you have to bear feeling pain. You also have to contend with the huge mental implications of your pain and how physically limited your life becomes as a result.

Pain as a lesson

One of the hugest things for me was not being able to do things with my two young boys. I used to be the active mum who ran around the park, went biking with them, and took them on days out.

There was so much I wanted to do with them but couldn’t, or someone else would be doing it when I felt I should be. That hurts even more when they laugh and you wish so much it was with you.

I was also really worried about the impact that this would have on them, seeing me struggle and having to ‘sit this one out’. But what I learnt was that for the boys to see me dealing with my pain and being proactive about my recovery would actually help them to learn about what to do in difficult situations in their lives.

I think too often we try to protect our children from the reality of this life which throws all sorts of curveballs. But actually, showing them how to face them and talking to them about your challenges will help them in the long term in their futures.

Loss of identity

Another big thing for me was that being active was my identity. I was the one who ran, I was the one who did triathlons, I was the one who loved sport. And here I was, just me. What was I now? 

Just days before the initial ‘injury’ I was biking up hills and swimming in the lake, training for my upcoming triathlons. Yet in that one moment all this was taken away. How does your brain cope with that?

But then I remembered, when I was at school I had a friend who was injured and couldn’t play rugby. He was feeling so down about it, so I suggested that he focus that time when he was missing training and matches on his studies. He ended up doing really well in his exams and eventually recovered from his injury, which in the long term was a win-win.

I also heard a similar story about someone who started drawing, even though she didn’t believe she was any good at it. It gave her a different identity and to me she was still an artist because she drew.

Find a new identity

In my case, I love writing but I was always really worried about failing if I tried. But in those times I would have been biking or running, I wrote a short story for a competition. As it happened, I won it and that validation made me realise I’m not just a runner or cyclist or swimmer – I’m a writer too.

But even if you don’t do something for public recognition, you can still call yourself a sewer, a baker, a reader, whatever. Find something else you enjoy and make that your identity instead.