Be an Imperfectionist

Chances are if you’re experiencing neuroplastic pain, you’re a perfectionist. Most neuroplastic pain sufferers are: you have high expectations, you fear failure (so you maybe avoid trying things) and are highly self-critical.

These traits nearly always exacerbate chronic pain. Perfectionists have often developed these characteristics as a result of feeling the need to meet their own or others’ high standards or keep everyone else happy in a time of upset, uncertainty or trauma.

Pain and perfectionism

One of the many benefits of chronic pain is that I just couldn’t be a perfectionist any more. I had to let go. And suddenly all those balls I was trying to juggle had to come crashing down. I allowed people to help out more and I had to accept that things I had planned weren’t going to happen.

And once the metaphorical balls were on the ground, there was no longer the immense pressure to keep them in the air. This goes a long way to helping reduce chronic pain.

So how do you be ‘less perfectionist’?

Whole books have been written on this subject but here’s a few ideas to try:

• recognise when you are being a perfectionist so you can deal a situation differently
• lower your standards (who’s judging anyway?)
• avoid procrastination and just have a go regardless of the outcome
• make mistakes and try to learn from them rather than criticise yourself
• try to take others’ (reasonable!) criticism more objectively

Not only will your stress levels reduce but often some degree of relief from pain will follow – this is what we’re aiming for!

Follow the 70% rule

If I could give one tip it would be the 70% rule: do whatever your task is at 70% and that will be enough. The costs to your health of the extra 30% far outweigh the gains of meeting someone’s approval or your own unrealistic standards. Or not attempting something you want to do at all.

I remember a t-shirt I once bought because it said ‘I will try again tomorrow’. At the time I was like ‘yes, that’s me’ but looking back now it’s kind of depressing that I felt that way.

Nothing I had done that day had been enough – I needed to do better the next day. But actually what we need is a t-shirt that says I am enough/ I’ve got this/ I’m strong… anything else but that!

Expand your comfort zone

Not only does accepting things being less than perfect help reduce chronic pain but mentally it also helps to stop stressing bout every little thing. Life is far more enjoyable when you are not stuck in near-paralysis about whether you chose the right table in the restaurant or the right gift for a friend.

And actually, how many of those minor decisions about what was perfect really matter now that the moment has passed. Do you remember them all?

Even better, being more open to ideas and being less controlling can lead to opportunities you may have missed otherwise. You may be more likely to do an activity that you may have been afraid of failing at but actually enjoy – and even if you don’t, you’ve had the experience.

It’s easy to stay in your comfort zone of what you can do. But allowing for imperfection means you can attempt and potentially do so much more. And so the comfort zone expands and you feel more confident.

Perfectionism and others

Perfectionists are highly critical and allowing for your own mistakes means you will have far more self-compassion. Not only this, but there is a tendency to be critical of others too. Imagine how much easier relationships will be if you lower your standards and realise that everyone is human and that they aren’t trying to get things wrong.

I’m definitely not advocating being a walk-over and you absolutely can pull someone up if they have genuinely treated you harshly. But a little more understanding definitely makes life easier and from that more gratitude grows, and with more gratitude there is more happiness…. and less pain.

Read Practise Gratitude for more on this